Finding Balance with Mark Metze

Have you ever felt like you're constantly over-correcting?

Maybe one day you're doing too much for your team, becoming the bottleneck rather than the enabler. The next, you swing too far toward directing rather than guiding. I visualize this struggle as an old-fashioned gold scale—add a little too much weight to either side, and the whole thing crashes to the ground.

Through years of inspecting and adapting, I've developed five practical steps that have transformed my approach to leadership and life. These aren't theoretical concepts but battle-tested practices: learning to listen between the lines, asking questions that create safety rather than defensiveness, gathering feedback from multiple angles, embracing the experimental mindset, and maintaining momentum through continuous improvement.

The most powerful transformation came when I began using the phrase "I'm asking, not telling" during team discussions. This simple clarification created a ripple effect, changing not just how my team received my questions but how they communicated with each other. Similarly, framing decisions as experiments removed the paralyzing pressure of perfectionism, allowing us all to embrace the mantra "sometimes you win, sometimes you LEARN."

Ready to find your own balance? Join me in this episode where vulnerability meets practical wisdom. You can find The Agile Within on your favorite podcast app. Links to listen to this episode will also be added to the comments.

Connect with Mark on LinkedIn:
linkedin.com/in/markmetze

Listen to Tesla's song "Gettin' Better":
https://youtu.be/uee-aYUA0u4

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction and Sponsor Message
• 1:40 The Challenge of Finding Balance
• 4:26 Five Steps to Finding Middle Ground
• 9:30 The Experimental Mindset
• 10:12 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:06

Welcome to the Agile Within.

Speaker 1: 0:08

I am your host, mark Metz. My mission for this podcast is to provide Agile insights into human values and behaviors through genuine connections. My guests and I will share real-life stories from our Agile journeys, triumphs, blunders and everything in between, as well as the lessons that we have learned. So get pumped, get rocking. The Agile Within starts now. Before we dive into today's episode, I'd like to take a moment to thank our sponsor, impact Agility. Impact Agility specializes in training and coaching through scrumorg and proconbonorg, empowering teams with cutting-edge tools and techniques. Their classes are designed to deliver actionable insights, whether you're a scrum master, agile coach, delivery manager or organizational leader. Whether you're a scrum master, agile coach, delivery manager or organizational leader, at the helm is president and founder Matt Domenici, who has guided over 50 organizations toward professional agility. With his hands-on experience, matt helps teams and organizations take ownership of their processes and outcomes, unlocking their full potential. To explore free learning resources, check out their training schedule or book a free consultation, visit impactagilityco Once again. That's impactagilityco. Welcome back to the Agile Within. I am your host, mark Metz, and today I want to talk about something that I've been thinking about a lot lately Finding balance.

Speaker 1: 1:54

So often in life we get caught up in extremes. We go all in on one side or the other and before we know it, we're either burning ourselves out or missing the bigger picture, and I found this to be especially true as a servant leader. Picture an old-timey scale, you know the kind used to measure gold. Often I feel like I'm trying to find equilibrium only to add too much weight to one side, sending it crashing to the ground, and in my effort to correct it, I add too much weight to the other side and soon enough that side hits the floor too. It's this constant back and forth, trying to find that perfect middle ground, and more often than not I find myself off balance. This happens especially in my role as a servant leader. There have been times when I've leaned so hard into the servant part that I ended up doing too much Scheduling meetings, taking minutes, handling small tasks that in the moment felt like they were helping, but over time I realized I was becoming a bottleneck. The team didn't actually need me to do those things. They needed me to teach and mentor. Other times I swung too far in the other direction, stepping too much into the quote-unquote leadership role making decisions for the team, assigning tasks or inserting my own opinions before really listening. Again, this wasn't the right balance.

Speaker 1: 3:35

The magic I've found is somewhere in between. It's a delicate balancing act and, honestly, I don't always get it right. But maybe that's the point. Maybe there is no perfect balance. Maybe it's about experimenting, adjusting and learning along the way. That's what I tell my teams, and yet I still struggle with it myself. It makes me feel like a hypocrite sometimes, but I've learned to acknowledge that, because if I don't, I start spiraling into self-doubt and negativity. So today I want to talk about how can we find that middle ground, whether it's in leadership, work or just in life in general. So how do we find that middle ground, that sweet spot, if you will? Well, I'm going to give you five steps that have helped me in my journey. Perhaps they'll help you as well.

Speaker 1: 4:34

Number one listen between the lines. Finding balance starts with awareness, but here's the tricky part Sometimes the most important signals aren't the ones you hear directly. It takes careful observation to notice what's not being said. The invisible cues, the body language, hesitation, patterns of behavior. Those can tell you just as much as words. But and this is key if you don't validate those observations, you might be making incorrect assumptions, and that can honestly do more harm than good. So when you think you've picked up on something, ask, don't assume. Check in with your team. Give them space to confirm or correct what you're seeing.

Speaker 1: 5:29

Number two ask the right questions the right way. Another way to find balance is through asking good questions, but how you ask them really matters. One thing I've learned is that when I ask probing questions, people sometimes misinterpret them as commands in disguise, like I'm subtly telling them what to do. To avoid that, I've started using a phrase I'm asking, I'm not telling. Try it Seriously. Next time you're in a conversation, throw that out there, see if it changes the tone. For me, it helps reframe the discussion so that your team knows that you're genuinely curious, not issuing directives and what's really cool. Over time, I've found that when I use this phrase enough, my team members start using it too, and it creates a culture where people feel safe to ask those tough questions without fear of stepping on each other's toes.

Speaker 1: 6:37

Number three seek multiple perspectives. One of the biggest lessons I've learned is that balance isn't something you figure out on your own. It comes from seeing through different lenses. That's why I make it a point to ask for feedback in both team settings and in one-on-one conversations, and you know what the responses I get are often drastically different. In a group, people may hold back or just follow the loudest voice, but in a one-on-one setting, they open up in ways that they wouldn't otherwise. This practice has given me invaluable insights and has shown vulnerability, something that helps build trust Now, at the same time, remember you don't have to take every piece of advice as gospel. It's a balancing act Listen, consider and then decide what makes the most sense. Number four frame everything as an experiment. Here's something that's helped me a lot treating everything as an experiment.

Speaker 1: 7:48

If you approach leadership decisions and even personal growth with a mindset that some experiments succeed, some fail, it takes the pressure of getting it perfect the first time. Rarely do we nail it right away, not the first time, not even the second or the third, and that's okay. There's a saying that's really stuck with me Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn. I've repeated this to myself so many times that I literally catch myself whispering it under my breath, because it's true, if you're experimenting and learning, you're always moving forward, and that's a win in itself. Number five keep pushing forward. It's about momentum. And, finally, don't stop.

Speaker 1: 8:42

Finding balance isn't about arriving at a perfect formula. It's about continuous progress. Keep making small adjustments, keep improving. For me, this mindset is best captured by a song from one of my favorite 80s hair metal bands Tesla. Decades before the car company, they wrote the song Getting Better, and the lyrics that inspire me most go like this Been a change in the scene. If you know what I mean, good things are coming my way Now. I'm living my life and I'm doing it right, sun shining every day. That's the attitude I strive for. It's not about being perfect. It's about getting better every single day. If you're interested, I'll leave a link to the song in the show notes. While it's definitely 80s hair metal, tesla has been called the thinking's man hair band, so who knows, maybe you'll find some inspiration in it too.

Speaker 1: 9:45

So, as we wrap up, finding balance isn't about getting it perfect. It's about constantly adjusting. It's about listening, asking, experimenting and keeping up the momentum. And, honestly, you're going to mess up. I mess up, but the worst thing you can do is to let that stop you from trying. So take a step forward, try something new. Keep getting better. Thanks for listening to the Agile Within. If you enjoyed this episode. Please be sure and subscribe, leave a review and check out the show notes for that Tesla song. Until next time, keep evolving, keep improving and, as always, we're in this together. We'll see you next time. Thanks for joining us for another episode of the Agile Within. If you haven't already, please join our LinkedIn page to stay in touch. Just search for the Agile Within and please spread the word with your friends and colleagues. Until next time. This has been your host, mark Metz.